


bite me

by masongrey



Series: pearlet one-shots [4]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M, Pearl is a zombie, Post Apocalyptic AU, Zombie AU, basically everyone else is too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 05:31:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4509684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masongrey/pseuds/masongrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based off of this prompt from artificial queens: Boy likes girl (queen), girl is a zombie, boy keeps zombie girl in a cage, other zombies try to keep zombie girl out of cage, zombie girl turns boy into zombie, and they live happily dead after. Any pairing (though I would love for Violet to be involved).</p><p>I couldn't resist, hope I did it justice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bite me

Jason is making his way through a copse of trees on a supply run when he first sees her.

He's dodging and darting, keeping his body low to the ground and his shoulders bent and twisted when he trips on a rock, landing sprawled on the ground with a huff.

She's just sort of standing there, staring up at the sky.

He bites out a curse under his breath, doesn't she know it's fucking dangerous to just stand in the open nowadays?

She starts spinning slowly, long, pale arms outstretched.

He curses again. He's about 200 paces from his shelter, she's about 300 paces in the opposite direction. Decisions, decisions.

Fuck him, he's going to help her isn't he? Yes, yes he is. He may be sort of a narcissistic asshole, but he's not a heartless muderer.

He runs over, readjusting his backpack on his shoulder.

“Lady,” he hisses, tapping her on the shoulder with his spear. “Lady, you have to find shelter! There are zoms outside!”

The lady turns to face him. Her skin is pale, sallow. Upon further inspection _she_ isn't actually a she, but a he with a crooked wig and an uneven coat of makeup. His left eyelash dangles precariously and he lets out a throaty groan.

A zombie. Thoroughly undead, Jason decides. Also a drag queen, with questionable makeup skills.

The drag queen zombie shuffles forward, arms outstretched. Jason stumbles back with a shout, holding his spear in front of him.

With another shout, Jason spins around and takes off, gravel and twigs crunching beneath his feet. He runs fast and hard, with little thought to the zom that's probably trailing behing him.

250 paces, 200 paces, 150, 100, 50, 25, 10, and he's slamming up the steps, crashing the door open, closing it behind him and drawing the deadlock shut with a heavy click.

He falls back on it with a thud.

Well sue him for trying to do something nice for someone other than himself in this god-awful post-apocalyptic wasteland.

Drag queen zombies. He snorts. He's officially seen it all.

\- - -

Jason's new supplies last about a week and a half with careful rationing. The drag queen zombie with the floppy blonde wig and the dangling eyelash makes a home on Jason's porch, shifting and groaning and dragging his hand against the door.

Jason decides to fondly call him Pearl because of the tacky strand of jewelry that's barely attached to his greyish neck.

It's not safe, having a zom on your front porch. For more reasons than just the obvious 'theres-a-zombie-on-your-front-porch-you-fucking-idiot'. Where there's one zom, there's more zoms. Pearl is generally fairly complacent, moaning and shifting and spinning and watching Jason go about his chores through the front window with bloodshot eyes.

Finally Jason decides that he has to do something. It's been a week and a half of shifting his feet and pulling his hair out inside this tiny house and it's about time he takes some action about Pearl.

He ducks out the back door, moving quickly and quietly towards the shed. He's sure to find some kind of restraining device in there. There's no way he can go through with killing Pearl. He's grown fond of the bugger over the last few days.

Jason spends all day in the shed, trying to attach rusty old fences, large dog crates and a massive bird cage into some kind of zombie-cage device.

\- - -

He succeeds finally, dragging the massive contraption into the front yard. Pearl watches him with glazed eyes and the same loose, leery smile that's been plastered on his face since Jason first found him.

Jason grabs his spear and pokes Pearl in the chest. The zombie shuffles forward with a groan. Jason prods him again and he jerks forward with a grunt. It takes about thirty minutes of jabbing, but eventually Jason gets Pearl into the makeshift cage and manages to secure the door.

He sees something flash in Pearl's eyes. Anger? Annoyance? Sadness?

He laughs softly as he turns back inside. What the hell is trying to do, projecting human emotions on a corpse.

It's hungry, nothing more.

He swears he sees Pearl wave at him sadly. He shakes his head, shutting the blinds with a swish.

\- - -

-Later that night-

Out of the forest a lone figure shuffles, followed by three others.

One is paler than the others, thin and lanky, graceful even in death. One is rattier than the others, a frizzy wig and a bright red dress that hangs in tatters off of his body flapping like fire in the wind. Another is heavily painted, more makeup than usual plastered on his cheeks. The final is shorter and more tan, sharp cheekbones jutting up against his now wrinkled skin.

They were all drag queens in former lives, mossy wigs adorn their heads and makeup sheens across their foreheads and drips down onto their necks.

They groan and moan, snapping their jaws and grunting back and forth between each other.

Pearl raises his arm, dragging it back and forth across the rusty bars of the cage.

The zombies shuffle forward.

They promise, in all the racket and desperate confusion of the undead, that they will come back for Pearl, that they will free him and then they turn away and shuffle off into the night.

\- - -

In the morning Jason goes out on another supply run. He needs protein and he needs protein now. He has to keep his body running and fueled properly if he plans on staying alive in this hellish land.

He waves to Pearl goofily as he goes, gently tossing a rock at the zombie's feet to try and gain his attention.

Pearl jerks his head up, sweeping a hand out at Jason, the same dreamy, loose smile frozen onto his face.

Jason bites down his smile and jogs off into the trees.

When he's gone, five zombies stir in the forest.

Pearl leers his leery smile.

\- - -

Jason breaks into three houses, digging through their cupboards for non-perishables and dried foods.

He finds 20 cans of vegetables, a heavy bag of salt, an even heavier bag of flour and slightly mouldy granola bars. It's better than nothing.

On the way back he trips over an abandoned hubcap and falls, his bag slamming down onto the ground.

His ankle twists sickeningly when he lands and he clenches his eyes shut against a scream.

He drags himself up with tears in his eye and starts limping home. No point in sitting here and letting the zoms lick the tears off of his face with their rotting tongues.

He grits his teeth against the pain and can't help but look forward to seeing Pearl's lovely, messy face when he returns.

\- - -

He bursts through the trees and his eyes immediately fall on Pearl's destroyed cage. His heart races in his chest. If you can't see it and it's not dead, or alive, then it sees you and it's coming to kill you: zom rules 101.

His ankle rolls over a rock as he stumbles forwards and his vision blacks out a little, white spots dancing behind his eyes.

A cold, clammy hand clamps down on his shoulder and sharp, jagged teeth cut into his neck.

Jason screams.

\- - -

Jason shuffles, Pearl shuffles.

The four others shuffle up behind them, groaning and grumbling happily.

Jason and Pearl smile their leery smiles and together they walk their jerky walks into happily dead after.


End file.
